I am in a funk. I need a vacation so badly from work. Am I losing my niche? I'm slippin? I'm at the point right now where I simply don't want to be there and to be there irritates me. I'm tired of babysitting other people's kids. I'm tired of irresponsible parenting. I'm tired of the hundreds of papers I have to fill out and sign and re-write. I'm tired of knowing that there will always be. One in one out, one in one out it never stops. I'm tired of idiot social workers and crazy psychiatrists mis-diagnosing the planet. I'm tired of the Disney channel and it's brazenly obvious racism, sexism, and complete mis-interpretation of reality in a social context and in general.
It is time.I am in transition...well I am moving into transition. I miss my own family half the time tryna take care of somone elses. And anybody that knows me knows that I try to see myself in all of the children I work with and I see them as all of our responsibility, thus making them "our" children. but today. Today they are someone elses.I'm not totally comfortable in saying that, but IT IS SO.I think I had the wrong idea coming onto this.
The other day I was talking to a co-worker and he told me I messed up when I let hope enter the picture. I know that can be looked at like why would having hope be a mistake? Shouldn't we have hope don't we need hope....well I will tell you that hope is just that. It aint shit if you don't act on behalf of it. I thought I was by doing this work but I just had too much of it. Please don't get it twisted. follow what I am saying. I have such a tendency to be somewhat of an idealist, and in this instance it's just not good. The world is f*cked up and I cannot save these kids from that or anything else really. I can offer them opportunities, but I cannot make them take them and I know that, but TRUST I do know what's waiting for some of them. What has been set up systematically and it breaks my heart. I can't explain this to a 6 year old. Which brings the question back to my head "whose children are they really" I could show him and or teach him by "raising" him and teaching him/her important values..so forth and so on...but these are not my kids right? Maybe I am ready for little tikes of my own? Naw that's not it. I am dazed and confused.
back to the transition. It's here..well there at least until next Sept. I'm back in school in August. What next then? I'm getting there. i am excited. change is definitely in the making.
thoughts? opinions? comments? words of wisdom? weed?.....okay I was just kidding about the last one.
unless you got some =)
