I was having a conversation with my mom about all of the things I have been experiencing as of late...things are complex, life is complex and instead of trying to FIGURE it all out because as I told her I am a worrier by nature, I'm tryna WORK it out all, by taking it in stide and riding the wave...hoping there's something greater to come....Things aren't always what they seem and though we often use the anology of "the cup as half empty or half full" I've come to the realization that perhaps my cup MUST runeth over in order for me to put it down and as my mom would say, "re-stable-ize". Because as long as there's a handle on that cup and I think I got a grip on it, half full OR half empty, the cup itself may be keeping me from picking up something greater or more useful, or learning a new lesson, receiving a new blessing. We don't control everything in life and free will can be a helluva choice, but we CAN choose how we would like to react and let the Lord judge us as thy may...I'm sure thou will be glad to know I TRIED, and with all my might.
With all of the hustle and bustle of the day. Work was exhausting. Moving furniture, making phone calls, answering to the students, delegating to the staff, meeting with clients, planning with the high schoolers to facilitate for the middle schoolers, taking notes, late voicemails, lengthy text messages, late text messages, making healthy food choices in between it all. Raining when I just got a doobie wrap. Muscles aching after doing an hour of weights after not being in the gym for 2 months.
Finally make it home, with tears in my eyes. I need to have quiet, rest, reflection, prayer, intention, focus, and a cool breeze. Out of nowhere it's frickkin 82 degrees today, and then it rains. It's moist and hot.
Usually cleaning my fan is utterly annoying. I have to take it apart and tediously clean each spec of collected dust from its rungs with a rag; and of course I don't clean it in the winter...
But today, today I was glad to come home to a dusty fan in a box. No TV. No music, no facebook and certainly no work overflow. I was happy to go to the basement grab the box still sealed from moving with my dusty (because I opted again not to clean it while packing) fan inside. I brought it upstairs. I took it apart on my kitchen floor and cleaned it throughly. When it was up to standard I put it back together lining up each latch perfectly and screwing each screw with patience and focus like I was building something I never seen nor built. I concentrated like you would to do measurements in a chem lab. I didn't allow myself to think of anything else. Just this one task. It felt great. When I finished putting it together I turned it on, let it blow in the other direction for a few moments and then turned it to me.
I plopped on my newly purchased blended leather couch closed my eyes and listened to the hum. It's a strong hum because it's one of those high velocity fans. I felt my body get cool and for a moment I drifted off. And all I knew was that. How relaxing. How pleasurable and simple the moment.
how grateful I am to have had it. How glad I am that my fan wasn't clean today.
