9/20/06

dream dream, dream a big world. full of hope and joy and desparation and misery and hope and love and growth . a world that you left too fast. your casket I passed.i just seen you and you smiled and your eyes were slanted we both knew what was up.

i dreamt that this was not reality. that old was young and young was old so you indeed died at the right time.

i asked if you were there if you knew and if you seen the outpour of love for you. i have a reoccuring vision of the casket closing and i hear your voice and i see your smile and i want to jump up and say hey she cannot breathe what are you doing? i kept a dry eye the entire time and i wailed later for you and for them and for those to come.selfishly taking into consideration and coming to grips with my own immortality.

it's unfortunate.it is and i pushed this out from somewhere in an effort to speak to cope to try and understand that which is not for me to understand.this is still the initial shock.

anyone and eventually everyone will be next. I hope though not as violently. I want to look in the obituaries and see the smiling faces of age and death by natural cause.

for my babies

Is there nothing sacred anymore?

I can't take it anymore

I wanted to help you the best way I could

I wanted to tell you what no one else would

Your light shines bright

it'll be aiight

let me hold you child

with a tender smile

I won't give up

on

you

I can see the hope

in

you

hello babies

climb atop my shoulders

stand tall

then on

your own

don't fall

it's coo

just get back up

strut your stuff

young gifted latino, asian, white, native, and black

all

of

that

grow up

show up

You are

and I am because of you

all the stars are you

all the dreams are you

all the truth is you

and innocent was you

Hold your head high

fly...

you are so

don't you know?

"Bravebird"

Fly

high

soar

break free from the herd

beautiful are you.i am because of you.the stars are you.the dreams are you.the truth is you.innocent are you.

bravebirds.say word.

Butterfly

I feel you all around me. I may become preoccupied with something or someone else briefly, but when I turn around you are there. We've had this ongoing thing for years now, and it's just gotten worse. I am trapped. You seem to always win.When I cry, you win. Last night you damn near smothered me in my sleep. I quickly hopped off the couch. In a daze. I don't know where I was just then, and I don't know where I am now. I lay across the mattress, my feet are dangling off the side. I feel you coming.I quickly pull my legs in. I am good for maybe an hour when you decide to let me sleep. Then I am awake and we're at it again. Sometime back I went to see someone. I had to tell someone. That didn't last very long. When you found out, it just made you stronger. Now I am afriad. I am hypnotized by you. They don't understand, and they think it will be easy to leave you. I have tried to leave you with little to no help from others, but everytime I do You find a way to pull me back in.

I am tired of you. As long as you are in my life no one will ever know me truly. I give you too much.I can hardly remember what my life was like without you. I want out. I am tired of fighting with you, lord knows I am. You cannot stay here anymore. I am going to tell someone about you, and they will help me make you leave.

I was a soaring butterfly.Until you clipped my wings.and I let you do it.