Conversation Circles

SCENARIO #1: I am awake. It's 12:45am. I am thinking about many things. I am watching a special on CNN called Black in America. It's making me a little disgruntled. I really don't expect the media to be objective so I am not surprised that once again they have romanticized "The Black Experience". Always pointing out the so called symptoms of the experience: welfare, single parent households, gang violence, HIV/AIDS, academic achievement gaps, incarceration, poverty etc.. but not once addressing the ecological conditions and institutionalized racism that perpetuates some of these ongoing problems.Let's be real these folks are hand selected, unbalanced usually leaning towards middle class values in an effort to get those who have yet to cross over to conform and adjust to a 'new america' where we can all realize the american dream. Very romantic.

SCENARIO# 2: I coordinate afterschool programs at an inner-city high school. two weeks ago I decided to start a step team for the young ladies that I work with. I set out to build this program because 1) the ladies requested that we add such a program 2)doing so would be a great opportunity for them to learn or improve leadership skills and foster positive relationships with their peers 4)female empowerment 4)physical activity. I thought well this should be great! For the first two meetings those who said they wanted to be involved showed up and for the most part things went as planned. The girls started working on a routine and they seemed to mesh well together. Great! Then today 3/4 of them didn't show up. There was conflict the night before at a basketball game that included a few of the members of the team. So two of thos involved didn't show up and because they didn't show up those who hang with them didn't show up. One of the girls 'involved' in the conflict took the time to explain to me what was going on. the end result: some common themes among young black women and their interaction and communication that are not new but recently have become quite salient:

1) gossip
2) confrontation
3) competitiveness
4) preoccupation with men
5) lack of self awareness

I was disappointed and disgruntled that the girls didn't show up and I told the ones that did, next week were going to have group and talk about some of these issues and essentially, how they are getting in the way of our progression. I told them I'm not going to give up on the program.

SCENARIO #3: Over the last few weeks in my Family Counseling class we have been focusing on several differnt therapeutic theories and techniques. This week we talked about Structural Therapy. I really like Structural Family Therapy because it looks at the overall organization of the family system in order to try and figure out how various forms of family interaction are maintained. the objective is to adjust boundaries and realign subsystems within the family structure. Part of this process involves the therapist observing a family's interactions. The way members of the family interact informs the therapist of patterns of behavior between members of the family. The therapist will be able to see where boundaries may be too rigid or to diffused and where various subsystems which can include generation, gender, or function are out of wack. When the therapist is able to adjust boundaires and realign subsystems she changes the behavior and experience of each family member thereby offering alternative patterns of interaction that can in turn modify the family structure. It sounds complicated, but it's quite simple, one can better understand the system as a whole and why it functions the way it does by first understanding the patterns of interaction within the system that perpetuate or maintain it. Fabulous!

What do all these scenarios have to do with each other you ask?
Everything.

They all have me thinking about perception. All the angles from which we see things and then how we approach different scenarios accordingly. What is or isn't being talked about that allows us to deal with issues the way we do? or don't?

I have also moreso as of late, been struggling with some very personal issues (or so I'd like to think) and wanting to reach out for help, but--not knowing where or who to reach out to.

The question of appropriate responses to me would be best addressed collectively as a community. We have the opportunity to learn from each other's experiences and provide support for each other as needed. In doing so we can frame how we wish to deal with these issues and better prepare our children to be able to deal with them as well. Part of this process is going to involve pulling people and being pulled from isolation; to quote someone's comment I read on a different blog earlier, "to make one's experience more human and less special". I know some of the things I am struggling with are echoed. Perhaps someone else is also dealing with them in isolation as I have been. We need to open up some clear ways of communication. CNN can butt-out and we can butt-in.

I haven't been able, (or completely willing in my personal matters as of late) to bounce my questions and thoughts off of others in engaging, free, comfortable, and safe places/spaces. Perhaps I'm blind to those that may already exist, but from where I'm standing there aren't many that meet all that criteria. So I would like to create some...or for that matter if someone knows something I don't....

Here are some Conversation Circles I would like to invite folks in my community to start/join:

1) Women's support group that empahsizes physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health and awareness, addresses issues of relationships, parenting, work, healthy eating, self love, and issues of competition between women

2)Support group for family members of people who are incarcerated. How are we dealing with this in our community? Damn near everybody experiences it, yet there's no conversation or technique shared for how to deal with this experience, and it IS one to deal with.

3) Womens mentorship initiative. this circle would include adult women who would mentor young women. This group could include activities like cooking, academic mentorship,counseling,group activities and outings...

4) A co-ed group would be nice also, but I think there are some issues to be addressed separately before this is gon work...just a thought..

I am more than willing to use my home as a free space if others wish to be involved...It really don't even have to be that specific...hell we can just start with GROUP. =) Where we just discuss what's going on with us as women and families.

I know it ain't just me. Don't you DARE leave me hangin', we need some intervention ladies across generations...and in general men and women in the community do not communitcate enough in a meaningful and posititve manner.

I know this is a pretty long blog. It simply is a mixture of things floating in my mind. It gets crowded up there.

So if you have read through it thanks for taking the time.

I am so SERIOUS about GROUP =) tho. If you are interested, have thoughts, know of some already existing initiative, or wish to join me in that journey please, leave comments!!

It is now 3am. I'm going to lay me head down to rest now that I got that out. =)

ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZ....nite.

Ninja Billy on Faith and Perseverance

Ninja Billy on 'The Calling'

Great Expectations?

I just had a conversation with my dad about the type of discouraging approaches I get from men. I told him that it is sooooooo frustrating when a man approaches me and even if I tell him I'm taken he still insists on tryna 'get in'. Not only that he insists that he could be a better man to me than the person I'm with and I should "just have dinner" or "go to a movie" sometime with him. "You know what I'm saying, I'm just tryna get to know you", "Oh I can't be your friend?" I have told fools I'm married and they STILL be tryna get in. I mean come on now?!? Who do you mofos think you are?

My dad told me that part of it is the community in which I live, that the values--or lack thereof are much too consistent with music videos and what folks see on T.V. I told him there aren't enough elders in the community to provide some guidence and common sense to not only these young men but to the young women as well, because this stuff obviously works, otherwise why continue to use it?

I know what game is and I know what LAME is. I am not stuck up at all. In fact I speak to everyone who speaks to me. If a dude tries to holla and I'm not interested I say no thanks and have a good day. Apparently they must think I'm being shy because they seem to only try harder after that.

I understand that everyone has impulses but you can't act on 'em all the time. fools is on survival mode for real. It's either that or just a lack of expectation.

One of the most frustrating things for me when it comes to men is their lack of expectation for us women. If we expect for our men to be hard workers, providers, and independent and we take nothing less we are stuck up, self-righteous, demanding ect... but when you think about it from our end where is the expectation for us as women? How many of us have been told over and over again, "men are intimidated by you..." I think that's hogwash. I'm tired of being looked at like that. I need for you to want more from me. Just because I got a job and I'm independent doesn't make me flawless or unapproachable. I mean a man finds out that I cook and all of a sudden he's stuck to me like glue. He doesn't even care what I cook. Or "she got a job and her own place and her house is clean--I wanna marry her." I mean is that all it takes these days? I mean HELLO. We women are so much more than that. If you expected me to be intelligent, if you expected me to know how to cook, if you expected for me to be clean and keep a clean house, if you expected me to keep a job then perhaps you would know how to challenge me appropriately far beyond that and hold me accountable when I'm not doing so well in these areas. I mean is that not a sign, if not the greatest sign of love for another; to challenge them to be all they wish to be and more?

You gotta understand where I'm coming from. I need someone who's gonna keep my feet on the ground. That means challenging me. If you like that I cook and clean and you like the conversation that's great, but I don't want that to be all you expect of me. I want you to challenge me to keep it up. I want you to push me. I am going to challenge you and I need that reciprocity.

The Gloom of Bloom.

Ahh yes! Late bloomers unite! Later for Johnny..SHELLEY come lately they'll say to those who arrive after the bell rings! Yes, I am a late bloomer. I didn't hit puberty til I was 13, I barely kissed a boy at 16, and I still have a baby face and baby hair. But it hasn't crippled me-NOOOOO! I find all the humor in the world in being asked "where's your pass?" or "Where do you think you're going?!" When I walk the halls of the school where I work. Oh! Oh! Oh! or how about eating in the teacher's lounge with you and then having you ask me in the hall the next day, "Why aren't you in class?" For the last time, I WORK HERE YOU ASS WIPE! AND why are you staring at my ass?! Ooh! Ohh! ohh! it doesn't stop there, what about that beggin' ass lady who lives down the hall who knocked on my door to ask for a cup of sugar, and when I answered asked to speak to the lady of the house? Bitch I am the lady of the house! Yes There's nothing I love more than to be constantly underestimated because YOU'RE an idiot. Just accept that YES I am THIS and THAT. I am multifacited and could possibly be better at YOUR job than YOU. So word to the wise if you don't wish to be called an old hag, then I suggest you don't call me a young buck. Recognize what I bring to the table and judge me on THAT.

Respect my hustle BEEEITCH.

In the Morning Light

shhh...

I have all these thoughts echoing in my mind. I wish I could sleep. 11, 12, 1, 2...
When my hair is like this I get all nervous from winding it back and forth. So much my wrist hurts. I am great during the day working and bursting with ideas, so much so that I fear the end of the day's arrival. There's so much work to be done. I'm grateful for every next day.

It'd be nice to have someone like him, only not him..to put his hand on top of mine and calm the erradic heartbeat inside me and to give balance to the weight of my thoughts cuz thank God; we share a common vision. and shit, just for the simple fact of knowing someone else is there.

or if only I would drink the tea.

or if only I would trust.

or if only....and if only and and and and and and and and and and and and and

shhhhhhhhhhhh

hush child I can't hear the silence.

damn

Home.

Moving is OH SO STRESSFUL. I am DONE finally. I am ready to put up pictures and make my house a home. =) sigh. I am back in the community where I grew up. I am glad to be back in the city. I love the sounds. I love the people and the kids all up and down the block. I love the street ball and bar-b-ques and braiding hair on the front steps.

I am so grateful for the direction in which my life is going. It has been somewhat of a slow process,but if it was written; then I am right where I am suppose to be. All praises be to Allah.

I'm back up in that thang!

HOLLA HOLLA SCHOLAR!

S.P.E.A.C. Celebrates: The Listening Session Project

I guess this is as good a time as any to remind you (or inform you if you don't already know):

SPEAC and Hope Community present: Listening Sessions, The Findings. Come one and all to hear, listen and share in a community discussion about what’s really going on in the Twin Cities! SPEAC members spoke with over 200 young people from all over the metro area about what is important to them. We took notes, sifted through the info, and gathered the themes. What are the youth of Minneapolis and St. Paul saying about their communities? What do you have to say? Come and share your ideas about the next steps we need to take to bring the Twin Cities to a bigger and brighter future!

[Wednesday March 19th 5:00-7:30pm. For more info or to RSVP e-mail or call Kristy Clemons: kristy@hope-community.org, 612-435-1683]

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE.

YMCA Youth in Government Model United Nations Conference 2008!

Hello all! I am back. I am not fully recovered from my health complications of last week, but I am surely getting there any day now...with that being said I was hard at work this weekend regardless. That's the way the cookie crumbles! So here's some info on the fun I had this weekend. I have to say it helped to be occupied even though I was not well. Check it out!


I have just returned from the 2008 YMCA Model United Nations conference. It was my first year as an advisor and I have to say I absolutely LOVE the program! What a great opportunity to get youth involved in global politics and government. It was a real treat to watch all the students pretty much run the entire conference. They were articulate, and knowledgeable about their countries.

--let me back up for a second for those that don't know...

The Model United Nations Conference is a YMCA Youth in Government program. It gives students the opportunity to participate in a replica of a United Nations General Assembly. Before the conference the students choose a country as a delegation, do research and prepare position papers based on topics chosen by committees as it relates to their country.



At the conference the students caucus with other countries within their assigned committees and once they reach an agreement they write a resolution and forward it to the General Assembly where the other nations will have the opportunity to discuss and debate the resolution. Then all of the nations vote and the resolution will either pass or fail. The general assembly, and all of the councils and committees are run by trained students, although there are certain age/grade requirements for different positions (president of the GA, secretariats, council members...) you only need be in 7-12th grade to participate as a delegate and the students come from all across the state. Some students have moved out of town and continue to come back every year to participate in the program.

I have to say I was EXTREMELY impressed with how the students handled themselves, their dedication to the program and their ability and desire to take on the actual role of representing their countries; the amount of time and research that is put in, is just PHENOMENAL! I am proud and honored to have been an Advisor this year and look forward to next year's conference!

I encourage any and of of you who read this to check out the link (at the top) if you are interested in starting a delegation at your local YMCA, School, or community center and/or to learn more about this and other Youth in Government programs.

out of commission...

Cats look so peaceful when they sleep. They get the kind of sleep us humans could only dream of (ironically lol) I wanna sleep like them for just one night.ohhhhh... well I am out of commission right now. I haven't been keeping track of much. My body's going through crazy changes right now.

so if you have wriiten me, e-mailed me, called me and didn't get an answer don't worry...

you're not the only one.

lol.

Don't worry, I shall return. WITH A VENGENCE! lol. (cough cough)

peace out ninjas Hiyaa!

Tenpu Txuba...

N sta kasabi. Fika ku sodadi sol y agu.

N kre nada na bo, y kola ku bo.

Brevimenti, N vontadi.

Tenpu Txuba...ba lonji.

Hello World...

Hello fellow bloggers!

I'm Shelley. My friends call me shells. If you look at my profile you will notice that I have been here for some time. Along with my membership to the Liberator weblog (check it!) I used to actually have an active blog here.

...buuuuut I ended up starting one elsewhere with all of my writings. This blog will also contain some writings here and there, but mostly it will be focused on a day in the life of yours truly. So really anything could show up on here =)

Anyway so I'm back. So check back often and see what's new...leave comments...ask questions.

I'll be here.

btw--unlike my previous blog, the first post to this blog is entirely in Kriolu. I am Capeverdean,



and with the passing of my grandmother when I was 14; the language has seeped it's way out of my family's daily lives, so I am trying to teach myself in order to keep it alive. This means you will probably see a lot of it here.

that's it for now. Check out my profile for other details..

ta-ta for now folks! =)

on time.

Getting up early in morning puts God on your mind.There's a quiet you don't get when you lazily drag yourself out of bed--

at

10

am

people

are moving, cars honking, voices blaring, TV's talking...it's the sound of loose conversation. everyone and anyone's words all at once.But at 5am it's quiet in my house.It's cold and crispy outside. No foot prints. Just cold.The lights on my Christmas tree provide a warmth until the sun rises and wakes up the rest of the world. But I am already up. a step ahead. With God on my mind.

have you

have you ever laughed and cried real hard at the same time? had all of your emotions fighting for a space on your face? last night I felt overwhelmed. Trying to prepare for this important job interview today & Thinkin about decisions made in one realm of my life versus decisions made in another. knowing that everything is everything and that soon all of them would come to affect one another. I must be strategic. I wished for my granny. I wished to lay my head in her lap. I cried. I took from a drawer a cassette tape, one of my prized possessions retrieved from the dust of the firey aftermath 6 years ago. It was a tape she made me on my 13th birthday. I lay on the floor in my quiet apartment alone. The tape blared with voices of our childhood. Voices of our home. Where there was always someones company to enjoy and be annoyed by. there was a kind of innocence and security, cause who would have figured we'd turn out like this. Good and bad. I cried some more. We were just having a birthday party, and we just all happened to live in one house, and we just all happened to be poor, and we just all happened to be happy underneath it all. I laughed. and it just all happens so fast and to be so close and yet so far away. She connected us all. sometimes we whisper about her, we say "mecca mecca, 10-4", "kunfiada", "fastentu", "deus ba ku bo"-God go with you. "remember when we was little and grandma Dona` used to......." I wish I could have known her as a woman. I miss her. When she died a little piece of all of us went with her. When our house collapsed in the heat a little piece of my childhood went with it. A dichotomy the tape brings back to me everytime I hear it. but now I'm a grown up girl in a grown up world. Living and making my own decisions. I am okay. moments like that are bittersweet. brought peace and chaos simultaneously. I laughed and cried real hard at the same time. you know what they say...."joyyyyyyyy and pain, sunshiiiiiiiiine and rain!" lol *exhale*

Despair

so so so tired.

I would like to write and let the world know but I don't have time.

I gotta go to work and go to school and cook and be nice and make em smile and look pretty and be strong and think on my toes and take out the trash and get up and get up and I would like to write and let the world know but I have to feed and clothe and listen and dance and sing and put her hair in those pigtails she likes so much and teach him never to forget to hold the door and pull out her chair and go to the grocery store and shower and bathe. I would like to write and let the world know but I don't have time. I have to read and study and iron and fold and I need quarters for laundry and I have to read them their bedtime story and sweep the floor and make dinner reservations...at my own table.

I would love to write and let the world know why the cage bird sings.

she longs to.

be.

able.

for.

just.

one.

moment.

to.

let.

the.

world.

know.

her longing.

her presence.

her strength.

and her

weaknesses.

her joy.

her sorrow.

her.

not to be noticed

but to be acknowledged.













*chuurch* =)

breathe.

Breathe

in through my mouth and out of my nose

Sigh

of relief.

or I'm just tired

yawn.

Today

is a day in a growth process

I'm

not loosing

I'm gaining.

My step forward is your...

step backward

and give me space to

breathe

I have a story to

tell.

Click!

Miles to go before I sleep...

I pray the Lord my soul to keep

If I should die before before before...



CLICK



It's awkward. I love taking pictures and it's been so long since I have stood next to you for more than an hour...nonetheless it's hard 2 smile.The environment makes me feel afflicted.

But that smile is for you.For us. For our family. Your strength.Our struggle.

We have this imprint. In time... no matter how far away you are from me--and I from you--We are still standing tall together. Everyday.

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words.....

They can't take that away from you.

somedays it's hard to smile.

But today, when I look at this photograph, I will.

It's means so much to me.

..............

I love you and miss you dearly

Love,

Your sister,

Shelley

jumping to conclusions [on romance and relationships]

DON'T.












el fin.

the sanity of insanity.

I went today to see someone very close to my heart who, incidently happens to be in a mental hospital. While I was waiting for visit approval an elder walked out and into the hall where I was. She said, "You just never know what's gonna happen to you in this life, but no matter what it's always the women that have to adjust."



....and I thought that's one of the most sane things I've ever heard. I understood then the paradox of her being in a mental institution





just thought I'd share.