The Gloom of Bloom.

Ahh yes! Late bloomers unite! Later for Johnny..SHELLEY come lately they'll say to those who arrive after the bell rings! Yes, I am a late bloomer. I didn't hit puberty til I was 13, I barely kissed a boy at 16, and I still have a baby face and baby hair. But it hasn't crippled me-NOOOOO! I find all the humor in the world in being asked "where's your pass?" or "Where do you think you're going?!" When I walk the halls of the school where I work. Oh! Oh! Oh! or how about eating in the teacher's lounge with you and then having you ask me in the hall the next day, "Why aren't you in class?" For the last time, I WORK HERE YOU ASS WIPE! AND why are you staring at my ass?! Ooh! Ohh! ohh! it doesn't stop there, what about that beggin' ass lady who lives down the hall who knocked on my door to ask for a cup of sugar, and when I answered asked to speak to the lady of the house? Bitch I am the lady of the house! Yes There's nothing I love more than to be constantly underestimated because YOU'RE an idiot. Just accept that YES I am THIS and THAT. I am multifacited and could possibly be better at YOUR job than YOU. So word to the wise if you don't wish to be called an old hag, then I suggest you don't call me a young buck. Recognize what I bring to the table and judge me on THAT.

Respect my hustle BEEEITCH.

In the Morning Light

shhh...

I have all these thoughts echoing in my mind. I wish I could sleep. 11, 12, 1, 2...
When my hair is like this I get all nervous from winding it back and forth. So much my wrist hurts. I am great during the day working and bursting with ideas, so much so that I fear the end of the day's arrival. There's so much work to be done. I'm grateful for every next day.

It'd be nice to have someone like him, only not him..to put his hand on top of mine and calm the erradic heartbeat inside me and to give balance to the weight of my thoughts cuz thank God; we share a common vision. and shit, just for the simple fact of knowing someone else is there.

or if only I would drink the tea.

or if only I would trust.

or if only....and if only and and and and and and and and and and and and and

shhhhhhhhhhhh

hush child I can't hear the silence.

damn

Home.

Moving is OH SO STRESSFUL. I am DONE finally. I am ready to put up pictures and make my house a home. =) sigh. I am back in the community where I grew up. I am glad to be back in the city. I love the sounds. I love the people and the kids all up and down the block. I love the street ball and bar-b-ques and braiding hair on the front steps.

I am so grateful for the direction in which my life is going. It has been somewhat of a slow process,but if it was written; then I am right where I am suppose to be. All praises be to Allah.

I'm back up in that thang!

HOLLA HOLLA SCHOLAR!

S.P.E.A.C. Celebrates: The Listening Session Project

I guess this is as good a time as any to remind you (or inform you if you don't already know):

SPEAC and Hope Community present: Listening Sessions, The Findings. Come one and all to hear, listen and share in a community discussion about what’s really going on in the Twin Cities! SPEAC members spoke with over 200 young people from all over the metro area about what is important to them. We took notes, sifted through the info, and gathered the themes. What are the youth of Minneapolis and St. Paul saying about their communities? What do you have to say? Come and share your ideas about the next steps we need to take to bring the Twin Cities to a bigger and brighter future!

[Wednesday March 19th 5:00-7:30pm. For more info or to RSVP e-mail or call Kristy Clemons: kristy@hope-community.org, 612-435-1683]

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE.

YMCA Youth in Government Model United Nations Conference 2008!

Hello all! I am back. I am not fully recovered from my health complications of last week, but I am surely getting there any day now...with that being said I was hard at work this weekend regardless. That's the way the cookie crumbles! So here's some info on the fun I had this weekend. I have to say it helped to be occupied even though I was not well. Check it out!


I have just returned from the 2008 YMCA Model United Nations conference. It was my first year as an advisor and I have to say I absolutely LOVE the program! What a great opportunity to get youth involved in global politics and government. It was a real treat to watch all the students pretty much run the entire conference. They were articulate, and knowledgeable about their countries.

--let me back up for a second for those that don't know...

The Model United Nations Conference is a YMCA Youth in Government program. It gives students the opportunity to participate in a replica of a United Nations General Assembly. Before the conference the students choose a country as a delegation, do research and prepare position papers based on topics chosen by committees as it relates to their country.



At the conference the students caucus with other countries within their assigned committees and once they reach an agreement they write a resolution and forward it to the General Assembly where the other nations will have the opportunity to discuss and debate the resolution. Then all of the nations vote and the resolution will either pass or fail. The general assembly, and all of the councils and committees are run by trained students, although there are certain age/grade requirements for different positions (president of the GA, secretariats, council members...) you only need be in 7-12th grade to participate as a delegate and the students come from all across the state. Some students have moved out of town and continue to come back every year to participate in the program.

I have to say I was EXTREMELY impressed with how the students handled themselves, their dedication to the program and their ability and desire to take on the actual role of representing their countries; the amount of time and research that is put in, is just PHENOMENAL! I am proud and honored to have been an Advisor this year and look forward to next year's conference!

I encourage any and of of you who read this to check out the link (at the top) if you are interested in starting a delegation at your local YMCA, School, or community center and/or to learn more about this and other Youth in Government programs.

out of commission...

Cats look so peaceful when they sleep. They get the kind of sleep us humans could only dream of (ironically lol) I wanna sleep like them for just one night.ohhhhh... well I am out of commission right now. I haven't been keeping track of much. My body's going through crazy changes right now.

so if you have wriiten me, e-mailed me, called me and didn't get an answer don't worry...

you're not the only one.

lol.

Don't worry, I shall return. WITH A VENGENCE! lol. (cough cough)

peace out ninjas Hiyaa!

Tenpu Txuba...

N sta kasabi. Fika ku sodadi sol y agu.

N kre nada na bo, y kola ku bo.

Brevimenti, N vontadi.

Tenpu Txuba...ba lonji.

Hello World...

Hello fellow bloggers!

I'm Shelley. My friends call me shells. If you look at my profile you will notice that I have been here for some time. Along with my membership to the Liberator weblog (check it!) I used to actually have an active blog here.

...buuuuut I ended up starting one elsewhere with all of my writings. This blog will also contain some writings here and there, but mostly it will be focused on a day in the life of yours truly. So really anything could show up on here =)

Anyway so I'm back. So check back often and see what's new...leave comments...ask questions.

I'll be here.

btw--unlike my previous blog, the first post to this blog is entirely in Kriolu. I am Capeverdean,



and with the passing of my grandmother when I was 14; the language has seeped it's way out of my family's daily lives, so I am trying to teach myself in order to keep it alive. This means you will probably see a lot of it here.

that's it for now. Check out my profile for other details..

ta-ta for now folks! =)

on time.

Getting up early in morning puts God on your mind.There's a quiet you don't get when you lazily drag yourself out of bed--

at

10

am

people

are moving, cars honking, voices blaring, TV's talking...it's the sound of loose conversation. everyone and anyone's words all at once.But at 5am it's quiet in my house.It's cold and crispy outside. No foot prints. Just cold.The lights on my Christmas tree provide a warmth until the sun rises and wakes up the rest of the world. But I am already up. a step ahead. With God on my mind.

have you

have you ever laughed and cried real hard at the same time? had all of your emotions fighting for a space on your face? last night I felt overwhelmed. Trying to prepare for this important job interview today & Thinkin about decisions made in one realm of my life versus decisions made in another. knowing that everything is everything and that soon all of them would come to affect one another. I must be strategic. I wished for my granny. I wished to lay my head in her lap. I cried. I took from a drawer a cassette tape, one of my prized possessions retrieved from the dust of the firey aftermath 6 years ago. It was a tape she made me on my 13th birthday. I lay on the floor in my quiet apartment alone. The tape blared with voices of our childhood. Voices of our home. Where there was always someones company to enjoy and be annoyed by. there was a kind of innocence and security, cause who would have figured we'd turn out like this. Good and bad. I cried some more. We were just having a birthday party, and we just all happened to live in one house, and we just all happened to be poor, and we just all happened to be happy underneath it all. I laughed. and it just all happens so fast and to be so close and yet so far away. She connected us all. sometimes we whisper about her, we say "mecca mecca, 10-4", "kunfiada", "fastentu", "deus ba ku bo"-God go with you. "remember when we was little and grandma Dona` used to......." I wish I could have known her as a woman. I miss her. When she died a little piece of all of us went with her. When our house collapsed in the heat a little piece of my childhood went with it. A dichotomy the tape brings back to me everytime I hear it. but now I'm a grown up girl in a grown up world. Living and making my own decisions. I am okay. moments like that are bittersweet. brought peace and chaos simultaneously. I laughed and cried real hard at the same time. you know what they say...."joyyyyyyyy and pain, sunshiiiiiiiiine and rain!" lol *exhale*

Despair

so so so tired.

I would like to write and let the world know but I don't have time.

I gotta go to work and go to school and cook and be nice and make em smile and look pretty and be strong and think on my toes and take out the trash and get up and get up and I would like to write and let the world know but I have to feed and clothe and listen and dance and sing and put her hair in those pigtails she likes so much and teach him never to forget to hold the door and pull out her chair and go to the grocery store and shower and bathe. I would like to write and let the world know but I don't have time. I have to read and study and iron and fold and I need quarters for laundry and I have to read them their bedtime story and sweep the floor and make dinner reservations...at my own table.

I would love to write and let the world know why the cage bird sings.

she longs to.

be.

able.

for.

just.

one.

moment.

to.

let.

the.

world.

know.

her longing.

her presence.

her strength.

and her

weaknesses.

her joy.

her sorrow.

her.

not to be noticed

but to be acknowledged.













*chuurch* =)

breathe.

Breathe

in through my mouth and out of my nose

Sigh

of relief.

or I'm just tired

yawn.

Today

is a day in a growth process

I'm

not loosing

I'm gaining.

My step forward is your...

step backward

and give me space to

breathe

I have a story to

tell.

Click!

Miles to go before I sleep...

I pray the Lord my soul to keep

If I should die before before before...



CLICK



It's awkward. I love taking pictures and it's been so long since I have stood next to you for more than an hour...nonetheless it's hard 2 smile.The environment makes me feel afflicted.

But that smile is for you.For us. For our family. Your strength.Our struggle.

We have this imprint. In time... no matter how far away you are from me--and I from you--We are still standing tall together. Everyday.

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words.....

They can't take that away from you.

somedays it's hard to smile.

But today, when I look at this photograph, I will.

It's means so much to me.

..............

I love you and miss you dearly

Love,

Your sister,

Shelley

jumping to conclusions [on romance and relationships]

DON'T.












el fin.

the sanity of insanity.

I went today to see someone very close to my heart who, incidently happens to be in a mental hospital. While I was waiting for visit approval an elder walked out and into the hall where I was. She said, "You just never know what's gonna happen to you in this life, but no matter what it's always the women that have to adjust."



....and I thought that's one of the most sane things I've ever heard. I understood then the paradox of her being in a mental institution





just thought I'd share.

SnoooooooZzZzZzZze

up. down.

at the top at the bottom

in the fridge

in the cabinet

turn on the stereo

turn it off

I'm so wired



Shhhhhhhhh



lights out

lights back on

bathroom

living room

read a book

put it down

daydream

fantasize

reminisce

contemplate



Shhhhhhhh



tic toc tic toc tic toc drip.

I'm sooo *yawn* restless.

dazed and confused.

I am in a funk. I need a vacation so badly from work. Am I losing my niche? I'm slippin? I'm at the point right now where I simply don't want to be there and to be there irritates me. I'm tired of babysitting other people's kids. I'm tired of irresponsible parenting. I'm tired of the hundreds of papers I have to fill out and sign and re-write. I'm tired of knowing that there will always be. One in one out, one in one out it never stops. I'm tired of idiot social workers and crazy psychiatrists mis-diagnosing the planet. I'm tired of the Disney channel and it's brazenly obvious racism, sexism, and complete mis-interpretation of reality in a social context and in general.

It is time.I am in transition...well I am moving into transition. I miss my own family half the time tryna take care of somone elses. And anybody that knows me knows that I try to see myself in all of the children I work with and I see them as all of our responsibility, thus making them "our" children. but today. Today they are someone elses.I'm not totally comfortable in saying that, but IT IS SO.I think I had the wrong idea coming onto this.

The other day I was talking to a co-worker and he told me I messed up when I let hope enter the picture. I know that can be looked at like why would having hope be a mistake? Shouldn't we have hope don't we need hope....well I will tell you that hope is just that. It aint shit if you don't act on behalf of it. I thought I was by doing this work but I just had too much of it. Please don't get it twisted. follow what I am saying. I have such a tendency to be somewhat of an idealist, and in this instance it's just not good. The world is f*cked up and I cannot save these kids from that or anything else really. I can offer them opportunities, but I cannot make them take them and I know that, but TRUST I do know what's waiting for some of them. What has been set up systematically and it breaks my heart. I can't explain this to a 6 year old. Which brings the question back to my head "whose children are they really" I could show him and or teach him by "raising" him and teaching him/her important values..so forth and so on...but these are not my kids right? Maybe I am ready for little tikes of my own? Naw that's not it. I am dazed and confused.

back to the transition. It's here..well there at least until next Sept. I'm back in school in August. What next then? I'm getting there. i am excited. change is definitely in the making.



thoughts? opinions? comments? words of wisdom? weed?.....okay I was just kidding about the last one.










unless you got some =)

whatchamacallit

Even at the most gorgeous points on the outside I am still floating on empty within it's a slew of ups and downs I feel like I'm on drugs it hits like that up and down I am falling when I grasp something and gain control of it I lose something else my brain only clasps on to certain moments and memories everything outside of that is hard to remember this is a small space the world is trying to turn me out I turn in and watch myself I still feel like I have a handful of sanity I suffer from great paranoia

just us

tonight I won't hide from you

I want you to find me

careful(ly)

on second thought don't be

get lost

with me

in me

quietly

submit

to-

you got me

in

our love-

is loud

in dead silence.

my eyes reveal

pain from

pleasure wait

I try to hide

butyoufindmeeverytime

I didn't know.........

I'm

gone and

your

pain inevitably becomes

my satisfaction

and mine; yours

I love it.